Side note: This blog post was written on 3 October 2018, a day before my birthday. It was my intention upload it, but I somehow forgot about it and found it in my saved drafts yesterday. I enjoyed reading it and hope you do to. Maybe this is something you need to hear today.
Its the day before birthday and I am feeling very nostalgic. When I think back on all of my other birthdays I remember how miserable I would be leading up to the day as it was a time of reflecting on my life and my achievements and somehow everything always fell short of the extremely high standards that I set for myself. Apart from setting high standards I have always been really hard on myself for falling short, failing or not having the financial success or having reached all of the goals that I set for myself.
Today I feel grateful – grateful for my friends, family and everything that God has blessed me with. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I have attained all of the goals that I have set for myself or that I am where I believe I should be. It just that gratefulness brings a sense of peace and inner joy that cannot be explained and results acts of kindness and love.
In the past I would focus on what I did not have and that resulted in a lot of unhappiness for myself and the people around me. I remember crying every day for two weeks before my 28th birthday because I had not reached all of the goals that I has set for myself. In hindsight most of them were extremely unrealistic.
All of this made me blind to all that I have been blessed with. And I truly am blessed.
I would like to share with you what I have learnt this year.
- I have learnt to accept my body
I have been unhappy with my body for the longest time. As a teenager I was extremely self-conscious about my body to the point that I hardly wore any revealing clothes during my teenage years (when I had the best body of my life! Gaaad Dayam) and throughout my life there has always been something I have been unhappy about. I have reached a point where am over caring about what people might think or say. I mean, like this is it, this is what I look like! This might be the best it’ll ever be. Lord knows its hard to find the motivation to go to gym. Body I love you. now let’s go get some donuts 😊
- Everybody wants to be seen
I am less extroverted than I was maybe 3 or 4 years ago ( yes I more chatty than this!). I find that I live inside of my head more and more, and by this I mean that I am almost always deep in thought, and I fail to notice people. Everybody wants to be seen or noticed, whether it is a smile or a ‘how are you doing?’. I wouldn’t want anyone to live in my sphere and feel like they are not appreciated or even just noticed. If you are in my sphere and you are reading this please know that I see you and that I am grateful for your presence (even the haters, I love y’all the most).
- I want to be more like me… the original me
Kay and I were on holiday for two weeks, away from life as we know it. Even though we posted pictures on Instagram we were mostly offline. Being disconnected from social media somehow resulted in me having a lot of original thoughts and ideas. If I am constantly consuming other people’s thoughts, ideas, songs, outfits, shows, movies, pictures and funny tweets, it results in fatigue and it leaves no energy or room for my mind to generate anything original… or is that just me? There will always be people that inspire me, but sometimes I need to inspire myself and allow my mind to think for itself. That alone was an epiphany and it knocked me off my feet, but I landed on a lounger under an umbrella so it was all good.
- I only need what I need
Living out of a suitcase made me realize how little I need to survive. I do not need 4 pairs of red shoes to survive this life. What a revelation! Now hang on, I am not ready to throw it all out just yet, but it is nice to know that if I did not have it I would be ok.
- There is nothing wrong with saying ‘No’
I am pretty sure that I spoke about this before. I don’t like saying no to events or parties and feel guilty for months after for missing an important event in someone’s life. I’ll be honest, I still accept a lot of invitations that I should say no to. I am triple booked most Saturdays and my friends know that if they want to make plans with me they will have to let me know at least 3 weeks in advance. It’s ridiculous, I know! I read an article that said ‘ be ruthless with your priorities” and ” don’t say you don’t have time just say that it is not a priority for you”. I read that and realized that without thinking I have been giving my time to things that are not a priority. I am still learning to say no to anything that does not add value to my life. There have been times where I have had to decline invitations even after accepting it without consulting my diary. Rushing from one place to another has resulted in me not being fully present with the people that I love and value, as I am constantly thinking about the next event to get to. I am a bit of a procrastinator as well so sometimes I say yes to events just to get out of doing what is important. Sadly, there are no more excuses for me. ‘No’ is not a swear word, so don’t be scared to say it (excuse me while I speak to myself).
My advice to myself is to live in the moment and to be more present. My advice to you is don’t let the lack of love for your body and personality stop you from enjoying life to fullest and don’t let it deprive others from experiencing how amazing you are (please don’t deprive me of that). And don’t let the lack of love for others deprive you of the thrill and excitement that only a profound human connection can give you.