“May I Waste My Heart on Fear No More…”
I’ve been repeating this to myself a lot lately trying to be braver. If someone had told me a year ago that I’d be posting pictures of myself on the internet, I would have laughed and said “Ja right”.
Yet here I am doing just that.
I’m not the most confident person around, for as long as I can remember I’ve been so self-conscious about everything- my smile, my hair, my height, my weight. I have always thought I am the fat friend, or I’m the ugly sister. It’s not easy loving yourself when you don’t believe that you fit into society’s idea of pretty. But that’s a blog post for another day…
I only recently got an instagram account. I cringed at the thought of total strangers looking at my pics. “Why the f@#$ do you have a blog?” some might ask. Because I’m crazy, that’s why…
In fact this blog was my first step in doing something new, stepping out of my comfort zone and being (a little more) fearless. I have zero experience when it comes to blogs, writing or even social media. It’s not something I’m crazy about, social media is hard work for me. I’ve always been really shy and public speaking or something as silly as posting a Facebook status filled me with dread. I was scared of saying something silly or making a fool of myself.
I still feel this way mind you. The amount of time it takes me to post a pic on Instagram is insane, I’m constantly debating with myself; “Is the caption perfect? No”, or “Am I using too many hashtags? Probably” what about “Do I need a filter? Definitely”sometimes I ask myself “Is this even the right picture to post????? LOL, it never is”… fast forward to 8 weeks later and the conversation goes “It’s too late Kay, Valentine’s day is over, just delete the pic”.
Being brave is a lot easier said than done… it requires a lot of energy and it gives me extreme anxiety. As a result it makes it damn near impossible for me (and I’m sure for you) to face fears. BUT… If I’ve learnt anything in the past few months, it’s that no one is perfect and that I have to embrace what I have to offer the world. There is a lot of beauty in imperfection and if I don’t take that leap of faith once in a while and show the world who I am and what I have to offer I’ll miss out on what life has to offer and I may never experience the beauty of bravery.